EFFECTS OF DIVORCE IN THE WORKPLACE—HOW TO BE A GOOD CO-WORKER

The emotional difficulty of divorce has long been recognized for the individual going through it, as well as on other family members of the person experiencing divorce or separation.  But what about the effects of divorce in the workplace?  Given that it is an emotionally difficult process, it stands to reason that the effects of an individual going through divorce is going to spill over into the workplace and affect many of the people around the person going through it, especially in the early stages of separation.

To begin with, the person is often emotionally distraught and not focused on work, that is generally a given at this particular time.  Often, however, others fail to recognize some of the residual effects of divorce on the person, such as on their self-esteem and on their confidence.  Certain jobs, such as sales, require a high level of confidence, which for the person going through divorce can be shaken.  Additionally, the person is going to experience financial stressors, as there are now two households to support with the same amount of income.  People get used to a certain style of living that often cannot be maintained throughout the divorce process.  On top of that, there are now often attorney fees to cover that can be exorbitant if one is not careful or if the parties choose to fight about every little thing.

How can you best support your employee or co-worker going through divorce?  The following five ideas can make your life, as well as theirs, better through this process.

 1—Be supportive of what they are going through.  Anticipate that they will need some time off from work to attend things such as mediation, hearings, and settlement conferences.  Try to help pick up the slack, knowing that you may find yourself in a position some day of needing support.

2—Be a good listener.  Often what someone going through separation or divorce needs more than anything else is just to vent.  They are probably receiving plenty of advice from a variety of sources.  Good listeners are often in short supply, though.

 3—Don’t take behaviors they might exhibit personally.  Persons going through divorce are often angry and resentful.  Those emotions are often misdirected to those around the person on a day-in, day-out basis.  Remind yourself that they are going through a difficult time and that their anger is not really directed at you.

4—Remind the person to focus on their children, if there are children involved.   Thinking of one’s children often helps the person to focus their attention in the right direction, and serves as a good reminder that the children are really what matter in this situation.

 5—Point the person in the right direction.  When you can see that they need help outside of their friends and family, offer some suggestions for resources, such as counseling or a divorce recovery group.  The person going through divorce is often too overwhelmed by all the changes to even think to look up resources for him or herself.

The effect on the workplace of someone going through divorce or separation can be profound.  As difficult as this time can be for everyone who spends significant time around the individual, it is most difficult for the one going through it, and they need the support and understanding of others in their lives.  Do your part to be the kind of co-worker you would want if you were the one going through a difficult time.  It not only takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to support people throughout the ups and downs of life!

~Dr. Marlene