A relatively new concept in the divorce arena is Child Inclusive Mediation. This process allows children’s feelings and viewpoints about their parents divorce to be heard without the child actually joining the mediation sessions. In this process, a child consultant first interviews the parents individually to gain their insights on the needs of the child. The child consultant then interviews the child or children in the case and obtains their thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and concerns in regard to their parents’ divorce. The primary aspect of gaining the children’s opinions often centers around the parenting time plan itself, in other words the parenting time schedule. The child consultant then provides input and impressions to the parents and the mediator during the mediation session. This way, the children are not burdened with having to say how they feel in the presence of both parents. Children should not be exposed to parent negotiations, yet this process allows their perspectives to heard within the mediation process.
As with any new idea or practice within the divorce arena, there are pros and cons to the concept and the practical application of it. Some children only open up to professionals when they have had the chance to establish rapport with them, and that takes longer for some children than for others. A child consultant will most likely not be able to see a child long enough to really establish trust and rapport with them. There are other limitations when a professional has not had the time to establish rapport with a child, such as not knowing when the child is saying all the right things, but are really wanting what they want for the wrong reasons. For example, in one of my cases on which I was the custody evaluator, there were two teenage girls who said they wanted more time with mother. Given the fact that one of the needs of the Adolescent stage of development is gender identification with the same-gender parent, when these girls said they wanted more time with mother because they could identify with her more, wanted to spend more time with her doing “girl” things, and that they could talk with their mother about peer problems and dating relationships, I initially believed them. They were saying all the right things. Later, however, I discovered from a friend of one of the girls who was present the day I conducted a home visit to mother’s home that the girls really wanted to spend more time with mother because mother allowed the girls to stay out with their friends later on the weekends, in fact she was allowing them to stay out past the legal curfew. Only because of the time I spent with the family was I able to get to the bottom of why they wanted what they said they wanted. A child consultant is likely not going to be able to spend that kind of time with the children they serve.
The concept is still a great concept, and having some input from children is better than none. As with anything, participants need to recognize the limitations of the service and decide if it is right for their family and, specifically, for their children. Depending on the temperament of the child, including them in this capacity could be a positive and welcomed involvement, or it may have a negative impact on them. Children may feel as though they are being dragged into their parents’ conflict when they do not wish to be. It may cause children to feel as though they are being placed in the middle of the conflict between their parents. But for children who welcome the involvement and want to have input, child inclusive mediation offers a reasonable option for allowing their participation in the process and for their voices to be heard.
